Myself and I Read online

  I placed my hand on my lower back, set one foot in front of the other and leaned toward Wesley. “Wesley, after all we’ve been through, you’re going to let her talk to me like this and not say anything?” I couldn’t believe he wasn’t stepping in to break up our argument.

  Wesley waved his hands. “You guys just need to chill out.” Wesley offered up a half-ass defense.

  Ed Daley encouraged us to duke it out. “No, man, let them fight.” He’d taken out one of those travel-size bottles of alcohol and guzzled down some of the liquor before offering it to Wesley, who eagerly drank it down.

  “Wesley!” I yelled at him for being so stupid.

  “What?” He glared at me as if there were nothing wrong.

  “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

  “It was just a little drink. It’s not a big deal, Keysha,” Wesley said, defending his behavior.

  “You need to get yourself a new set of friends and drop Miss Hell Raiser and Chucky. They’re not good for you at all.”

  “I know exactly what he needs, and it’s not you, chick. So I’m going to say this one more time.” Lori extended her index finger and began poking me on the shoulder. “Stop. Trying. To get back with Wesley!”

  Before I realized it, I shoved Lori so hard that she stumbled backward into Wesley. She quickly gathered herself and lunged for me, but Wesley held her back.

  “You’d better hold on to her, Wesley! You know I’ll mess her up!” I shouted.

  “Come on, Lori.” Wesley began pulling her away. Lori fought him and even tried to kick me several times, but I was too far away.

  “You just wait until I see you again, Keysha! I’m going to have something for you!”

  “Yeah, whatever, heifer, just remember you have to bring some ass in order to whoop some,” I taunted. Wesley continued to yank her away.

  Ed extended his hand with the small bottle of alcohol. “Do you want some? It’ll help calm your nerves.” I couldn’t believe Ed Daley had the balls to ask me if I wanted a drink.

  “Get your punk ass out of my face, Ed!” He flinched when I raised my voice, glaring at me in a drunken fit of complete stupidity. He turned away to go catch up with Wesley.

  “Wesley, let’s go drinking, man. School’s out for the summer!” he howled.

  “What a total waste,” I spoke aloud to no one in particular.

  During my walk home, I thought about Wesley and all the drama we’d been through. I truly did care about his well-being, and it was unsettling to see him drinking, especially after he’d vowed to never do it again. Maybe he believed that by relapsing he was somehow hurting me. The truth of the matter was that he was only hurting himself. I feared that he’d make some huge mistake that the words, I’m sorry wouldn’t be able to fix.

  I crossed the street and walked past Mr. Submarine and spotted my younger brother, Mike, and his girlfriend, Sabrina. They were sitting in a booth snuggled up next to each other.

  “Mike thinks he’s so cool,” I muttered. He wasn’t so cool when he had decided to take Jordan’s prized 1979 Pontiac Trans Am for a joyride to impress some hood rat a little while ago. While he was trying to hook up with her, someone stole the car. Everything that happened after that just got messy. But when all was said and done, Mike had learned his lesson.

  Not long after Mike got into major trouble for stealing Jordan’s car, I ran away from home to be by Wesley’s side because he’d been shot by some gangbanger in Indianapolis. I moved heaven and earth to be by his side, only to discover he’d gotten shot while trying to protect Lori. Talk about the ultimate betrayal. I almost didn’t want to believe my eyes when I walked into his hospital room and found lipstick prints all over his face and Lori standing by his side. It was clear that he’d been two-timing, so I told him it was over and then I left. Eventually, Wesley moved back here to South Holland, but I had no clue that Lori would be moving here as well. Rumor has it that she moved here to live with her dad because she’d gotten threats on her life from the gangbanger she was dating in Indianapolis.

  When I arrived at the house, I checked the mailbox before heading inside. I went upstairs to my room, changed clothes and sat on my bed. I then called Maya so I could tell her about the latest drama with Wesley and how I almost got into a fight with Lori. I hoped that she’d pick up the phone, because I knew that she and Misalo were hanging out doing the couple thing.

  nine

  A few days later my grades came to the house and I was overjoyed to learn that I’d earned four A’s and two B’s. Next fall I’d be a senior in high school, admired and adored by everyone beneath me. It was also rather scary, because I would have to start giving college some serious thought. I still needed to take my ACT and SAT tests. Just the thought of taking those exams caused me to stress out, because I hadn’t taken them during my junior year. There was so much going on when the opportunity to take exams came up that I blew them off.

  At dusk on Saturday evening, Jordan and I were sitting around in the family room chatting it up. All the windows in the family room were open, and the warm spring breeze felt good on my skin. Jordan was soaking his feet in a footbath that was filled with Epsom salts and hot water. Whenever my father overexerted himself on the jogging track, his feet would get sore. The radio was set to an ’80s station, and George Michael was singing one of his hit tunes called “Father Figure.”

  “Do you have any idea what you want to do after high school?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about college much because I wasn’t sure if money would be an issue,” I answered. I’d only lived with my dad for one year and figured he’d never saved up any type of money for me. Especially since he didn’t even know I existed until my mom got in legal trouble and a state social worker got in contact with him and asked if he’d take a blood test to verify that I was his biological daughter.

  “A junior college wouldn’t be a bad place to start. You could go to school full-time and work part-time in the evenings to help save money for when you go off to a four-year university,” Jordan said as he glanced down at his submerged feet. I sat next to him on the leather sofa and snuggled up to him. I loved the comfort and protection I felt with him, as well as the sweet scent of his cologne. Mike used to hate it when he found us hugged up together because he felt as if Jordan was paying me more attention.

  “Who knows, maybe I’ll get a full-ride scholarship or something,” I mentioned, thinking of another way my college education could be paid for.

  “That’s very true. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, now would be a good time to start filling out some applications. Your senior year will come and go before you know it.”

  “Yeah, I know. My counselor gave me this list of places that offer kids money for school. I really should start taking a look at that stuff.”

  “Don’t wait until the last minute to apply, because a lot of places only have so much money available,” Jordan reminded me as Barbara entered the room. She and Mike had just returned from the video store. As soon as they stepped inside, the scent of Chinese food began wafting through the air.

  “You guys got dinner?” I asked.

  “Yup,” Barbara answered as she walked over to Jordan.

  “What’s going on?” she asked as she handed Jordan the movies she’d gotten and then walked into the kitchen with the food.

  “Nothing, just sitting here talking about how to pay for her college education,” Jordan said as he removed the movies from the bag.

  “I picked up Ironman, Cadillac Records, I Can Do Bad All by Myself and Transformers,” Mike said, picking up the remote and turning on the television.

  “I want to see Tyler Perry’s movie. I love his films.” I immediately let my choice be known.

  “We’re watching Transformers first. Dad, the surround sound is going to be off the chain,” Mike said excitedly.

  “I’m with Keysha. I want to see I Can Do Bad All Myself. I’ve heard so many good things about it.” Barbara evened out t
he odds.

  “Dad, honestly, do you want to watch some chick flick or do you want to see an action movie?” Mike waited for Jordan to make a decision.

  “Ladies first, Mike,” Jordan said, as he removed his feet from the bath and dried them off with a towel.

  “Ugh! I’m going to go watch it in my room,” Mike said grudgingly.

  “Man, that food smells so good.” I rubbed my hands together as I stood and then headed toward the kitchen. We all sat down to eat and talk. It was wonderful to be a part of my new family. I felt secure, loved and supported. These feelings were new to me, and a few times over the past few months I’d taken it all for granted. I made a mental note to get my act in order and be happy that I had such a loving and caring family.

  With school out for the summer, I had a ton of free time. For the first few weeks, Maya and I spent our days at the swimming pool before and after our certification class. With my hair braided up and a good swimming cap, putting my head underwater became a nonissue. I spent hours on end perfecting my aquatic skills, and before long, with the additional support of Maya, we had both become much stronger swimmers.

  As time moved on, I actually looked forward to getting in the water every day because it was fun. I found swimming relaxing because it offered a type of serenity that I just couldn’t get anywhere else.

  The day of my certification test had finally arrived, and I was about to be tested on the skills I’d acquired. I’d completed thirty-two hours of training as well as gotten my CPR certification. I had to be able to swim 300 yards continuously, swim 20 yards using front crawl or breaststroke, surface dive in seven to ten feet of water and retrieve a ten-pound object. Once I had the object, I had to return to the surface, swim 20 yards back to the starting point with it, and exit the water without using a ladder or steps. All of this had to be completed within one minute and forty seconds.

  Maya was sitting next to me on the bleachers, and like me she was very nervous about taking the test. The scent of chlorine was wafting through the air, and it was slightly chilly. We both had on one-piece bathing suits. Maya’s was brown and blue, and the one I had on was black and gold.

  “Look at me.” Maya held up her hand. “I’m shaking like I have an uncontrollable twitch.”

  I took Maya’s hand into my own and held it. “We’re both going to do fine,” I said in the most confident voice I could muster.

  “I just want this to be over,” Maya admitted as we watched the first person fail the test. He couldn’t retrieve the weight and hold on to it.

  “OMG, if he can’t make it I know I’m going to fail.” Maya had already given up on herself.

  “Girl, if you don’t stop tripping…. We did not go through all of this just to fail at it,” I said. I was supremely confident we’d pass the test without much effort because we’d spent practically every day for the past five weeks in a swimming pool. The second person who took the test also failed. They had trouble with the surface dive. Maya and I watched with stunned emotion at how many people were struggling. Finally, Maya’s name was called. She rose, unwrapped the towel from around her waist and headed to the starting point.

  “You can do this, Maya.” I sent her away with words of encouragement. She glanced back at me briefly before continuing on and gave a nervous smile. Maya began the test with the surface dive and did it perfectly. She swam flawlessly and then dropped down to retrieve the ten-pound weight. She struggled with it but was able to make it back to the starting point and exit the water as required. She leaned over, resting her hands on her knees while trying to catch her breath. She was noticeably exhausted, but I could tell she was pleased with her performance. She toweled off and then came back and sat next to me.

  “You’re fierce, Maya!” I said excitedly.

  “The rubber human torso is very heavy. Be sure to push off the bottom of the pool very hard so you can get back to the surface. If you don’t push off hard enough, you’ll be forced to drop it or sink back down with it.”

  “Really?” I said, suddenly concerned about drowning. It’s funny how fear creeps into your heart even when you feel very confident about your skills.

  My name was finally called and I stood.

  “Go get ’em, girl!” Maya said. I walked down the bleachers and across the pool deck to the starting point. I removed my flip-flops and placed the soles of my feet on the chilly concrete. I took several deep breaths and prepared to demonstrate my surface-diving skills. I glanced down at the water briefly and suddenly became very afraid. I mean my heart started drumming so hard against my chest I thought it was going to burst through my rib cage. The water was slightly choppy and seemed to be breathing. I started shivering uncontrollably and hugged myself.

  “You can begin when you’re ready,” said one of the judges behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and looked at them.

  “Are you okay, Ms. Kendall?” asked another judge. I tried to answer, but a boulder was in my throat.

  “Let’s go, Keysha!” Maya screamed. I glanced over at her. She was standing and giving me the thumbs-up sign.

  Okay, Keysha, it’s now or never. You can do this. I was trying to muster up the courage to start the test.

  “Is there some type of problem, Ms. Kendall?” asked the first judge.

  “No,” I answered quickly. After taking another breath I leaped in and performed the maneuver with masterful precision. I began swimming and gliding through the water with ease. I spotted the ten-pound human torso and dove for it. I didn’t push off the bottom hard enough and lost momentum. I felt myself sinking and began to panic. As I sank back down, I pushed off harder. I broke the surface, took a deep breath and continued on. In the background I could hear Maya shouting. Judging by the urgency in her voice I knew my time was very short. I quickened my pace and reached the starting point. I exited the pool with the object and, like Maya, I leaned over and rested the palms of my hands on my knees.

  “Excellent!” said one of the judges. “You’ve passed.”

  Maya and I were superexcited about passing the certification course and becoming licensed lifeguards. My heart was filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment and I wanted to celebrate the achievement. After we showered and changed our clothes, we walked to a local pizzeria. I ordered two slices of cheese and sausage pizza along with a soda. Maya ordered one slice of pepperoni pizza and some bread-sticks. We sat in a booth near the window so we could watch people as they walked by. Starving, I bit into my food right away. The combination of cheese, bread and the tomato sauce tasted heavenly. I’d just taken a gulp of my soda when I heard Maya’s cell phone vibrate.

  “I think you just got a text message,” I said, curling a long line of cheese around my index finger.

  “Maya checked her phone and said, “Oh, it’s from Misalo. He wants to know if I passed the class.”

  “Where is he, anyway?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t come down to the pool to support her.

  “He’s at the DMV,” Maya said as she set the phone on the table and picked up her pizza.

  “Is he getting his ID renewed or something?” I asked.

  “No. He took the test to get his driver’s license today.”

  “Did he pass?” I asked just as her phone vibrated again.

  “Let me see.” Maya picked up her phone and glanced at the screen. A smile spread across her face.

  “Judging by the huge smile on your face, I assume that he did pass,” I said as I leaned back in my seat.

  “Yes, he did!” Maya said giddily. “You know what this means, don’t you, Keysha?”

  “Umm, no,” I answered, confused by her question.

  “It means freedom, girl. Now that he has his driver’s license we can go places. We can go on a real date without being picked up and dropped off by our parents.”

  “I can’t wait to take driver’s education. I missed this year because the classes were too full, but I know for sure I’ll get it during the first semester of my senior year.”

>   “That makes two of us. Misalo was very lucky to get into the class.” Maya bounced around in her seat and popped her fingers.

  “Why are you squirming around so much?” I asked.

  “OMG! I have to call him. Excuse me for a second, Keysha.” Maya scooted out of the booth and stepped outside. I sat there staring out of the window, searching for something interesting to hold my attention. The only thing I noticed was a giant moving truck headed toward my house. I glanced over at Maya again. She was laughing and smiling. I pulled out my cell phone and searched for a recent song by Lady Gaga I’d downloaded. I grooved to the music and for some strange reason began to think about Wesley. I decided to give him a call just to see how he was doing.

  “Hello, Wesley?” I asked as soon as I heard the line connect.

  “I knew it! Why are you calling him, Keysha?” Lori had answered his phone.

  “I was just checking on him,” I snapped.

  “He doesn’t need or want you. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?” Lori asked.

  “Would you just tell him that I called, please?” I asked, wanting to end the conversation.

  “Hell, no, I’m not going to tell him. And if I were you I’d—” I hung up on her before she could finish making her idle threat. No sooner had I put my phone away than Maya returned.

  “Misalo is going to see if he can get his dad to give up the car and take us to the mall.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked

  “Yeah. We could go there and just hang out,” Maya said. One moment I was excited about the idea and the next I’d changed my mind.

  “No. You and Misalo should go alone. I’d be a third wheel. Besides, if this is the first time he’ll be getting the car to drive by himself, it should be an experience that the both of you share.”

  “Give me a break, Keysha. You’re just being silly now,” Maya said, dismissing my comment.

  “Don’t you want to be alone with him?” I asked.

  “Trust me, if I wanted to be alone with him I know how to arrange time for that. Besides, he won’t mind,” Maya answered with absolute certainty.